Bad Poetry Contest

“My Love Is Like A Metaphor”

My love is like a metaphor
My love is a blanket
To keep you warm at night
Or during the day
Or even when it’s not actually cold out
Because you’re anemic
My love is like when your foot falls asleep
It makes you feel tingly (on the inside)
My love is like a painless over-the-counter hysterectomy
Because your period sucks
And that’s not okay with me
And you’ve asked for it several times before
My love is like your beauty. Beautiful. Like you.
My love is like a router
Because it gives our hearts a strong wireless connection.
My love is like a farmer
It deals with your bullshit
My love is like a pretty picture that you drew or a paper that you got an A on
It makes you happy
And want to show your mom.
My love is like a helicopter
I think that’s pretty self-explanatory
My love is like a bag full of hyenas
Also self-explanatory
My love is like a stalker
Because I would follow you to the ends of the earth
My love is like an ontological discussion of human emotions
It’s really complicated, but it has a point
I swear!
My love is like a Twilight movie
No matter how corny it is
You keep coming back for more
My love is like an iPhone
It changed everything
My love is like a bazooka
It’s really powerful
But you shouldn’t play with it
My love is like a Herman Cain interview
I can just stare at you for 5 minutes without saying anything
But you love it anyway
My love is like the color green
Not because I’m jealous, but because it’s your favorite color
My love is like a kangaroo
It includes a warm pouch
That you can crawl into
When you feel like a “blind, furless, miniature newborn”
It also gives you access to my nipples
My love is like a mystery novel
In that it’s mysterious
And novel
Oh, and sexy, yeah, my love is sexy too
My love is like a love poem
My love is like a love poem
It might not be perfect
But it’s how I feel

—Chris Travis, CC ’11