Choose your own Columbia adventure

1. Congratulations! You’ve finally made it to Columbia University in the City of New York! There are places to go and people to meet. Where to begin?
If you decide to stay on campus, go to item 2.
If you decide to head out into the city, go to item 7.

2. You’re on campus, a beautiful oasis in the midst of the infamous concrete jungle. You’re going to get out and make friends, become king of the classroom, and join every club that’s ever interested you. You’re going to embrace the work hard, play hard attitude you’ve been practicing all summer.
If you decide to explore the Columbia party scene, go to item 3.
If you decide to hit the books, go to item 4.
If you decide to get involved in extracurricular activities, go to item 5.

3. Well, it’s not so much a scene as a room. In this one kid’s suite. Here are a couple ways to deal with the disillusionment:
If you decide to break the proud Columbia tradition of going to a frat house only once, go to item 6.
If you decide to head out into the city in search of nightlife, go to item 7.

4. Welcome to Butler Library! You’ll be spending many a moment here over the next four years. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? You agree? That’s good. Remember that when you’re stuck in here on a beautiful day.
If you would like to socialize IN the library, there’s always room 209.

5. Clubs, glorious clubs! You’ve signed up for quite a few. Good news: There is something for everyone at Columbia. Bad news: endless spam from club listservs.
If you decide to go Greek, go to item 6.
If you decide to join a cultural or political group, go to item 8.
If you decide to go to a sporting event, go to item 9.

6. Party! Wait, this isn’t like Animal House at all. Why do we pay for this?
Become indignant. Go to item 8.

7. New York City. The capital of the world. There are restaurants, museums, shows, bright lights—if it was enough to inspire Sinatra to inspire Jay-Z and Alicia Keys, it should be enough for you. Get an internship, see an exhibit, go into a different borough—the possibilities are endless.
When you realize that you’re running out of money and/or actually need to occasionally get work done, return to item 2.

8. What? The food is bad, the academic calendar is ridiculous, student funding is wrong, there’s gentrification in Morningside Heights, globalization is happening, we don’t have a men’s studies department, there’s trouble in the Middle East, people didn’t come to your club’s event? There’s only one thing to do.
PROTEST!

9. Yeah, the sporting events don’t happen on South Lawn—they’re mostly at Baker Field. You might find it’s rather difficult to convince your friends to accompany you for the trip uptown.
If you decide to stick it out—fare well, fair traveler.
If you head back to campus, head into the city, head wherever, you’ll discover that Columbia’s a pretty great place. Find your friends, get some school spirit, and grudgingly admit that you like it here. Then go back on your way.